Down with BB (hardly)

People simply disappeared, always during the night. Your name was removed from the registers, every record from everything you had ever done was wiped out, your one*-time existence was denied and then forgotten. You were abolished, annihilated, « vaporized » was the usual word.(Chap.I-I GEORGE ORWELL NINETEEN EIGHTY-FOUR Penguin Student Edition) At this moment W doesn’t care for it at all, actually he doesn’t care but for one thing : to be down with BB.

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Location: Moimeme, Midluv

My name from 1967 to 1987 is Seth, Then from 1987 to 2007 SetSeth but I’m more famous at that period under the name of Tsé-Tsé. Call myself Setseth7 —my emphasis, for I am nameless. I have had too many identities to cling to one name!"

Friday, June 24, 2005

Who in deed Jean-Baptiste?

WHO ARE YOU ? I was asked. This simple three words question raise many others to answer it.
– WHO : implies the idea of a person, someone undefined therefore the question could also read as “ are you human?” Or more precisely “(What if) you were human?” as a supposition, “were” of the verb 'to be' but to the conditional not past form.

– ARE second person interrogative form of the verb “to be” induces the plural and/or “other” outer glance supposing another one retrospectively-

– YOU –confirms the idea that there is someone else to make us.

“Who makes you feel like I make you feel” seems to answer Dido in the 7th song of her album Life for Rent.

As a start, I have to admit that I am

Am I? I’ve wondered. Well it seems. At least I believe so. Then if I am, does it have to be someone? Why should I be someone? What for and for whom should I be (+ be someone)?

I have to believe that I can be. – “at least I think that I am” – (said Winston the bad answer in 1984 G.Orwell)

I can see it, hear it, feel it by the looks in eyes following my movements, seeming to answer my thoughts sometimes when I need not to say, making me think that I’m shaped like I can see they’re shaped,
I can hear it by the sound and meaning of voices talking to me, seeming addressed to me. To what are they meaning to talk I should understand later is but an idea, their own idea of what I am or who I am, a restrictive idea in which I sometimes recognize myself, sometimes I don’t. I have to disagree to what they claim I am and I let them know that I am different even if it costs me or unpleases them often.
I can feel it when eyes catch mine showing signs telling thoughts that I am, when we can find a common field of experimentation, showing the same signs towards something that belongs to both realities.

What could I have done then?

So at least I think that I am unless it is a lie I’ve been teached to believe. Why should I have learnt it again is another question: to survive or to please someone who wants me to be.
The only thing lays in this: I’m not satisfied with their lies, with the idea of what they make me be, the idea they pretend they have of myself and what it implies I should do and say. I’m not satisfied with what they want me to be I’ve thought to myself some past day.
Nevertheless I’ve accepted to fulfil such ideas of myself. Ideas made of those glimpses, catches of reality those people my “semblant” ones yet others/different: “mes semblables” were pretending I was.
And I’ve received in heritance “by semblance” two conditions - two maledictions rather -:

1/ (Now) you must work to survive
2/ You must die someday, everybody dies in the end.

Interesting to notice at this point that in the end has a synonym: eventually which in French implies the idea of eventuality. No obligation, rather precisely the opposite meaning!
“Eventuellement” in French means “it is possible that, there is a possibility of ”
Translate then that there is a possibility to die doesn’t say that it will happen.

But at that period my mother tongue was French, and there was no eventuality in their condition. It was an order nobody ever could escape. Nobody not even their Master of Thoughts, ex-the man whom they had put themselves under control. And this one had suffered the worse death before he could come back from the dead to tell them : Do as I told and you will be saved like me! Then he was called away and he was named from that “eventual” time Iknew (pronounced Aynaw). Why has a foolish crowd followed his precepts remains obscure to me. Martyrs and so many crimes followed then in the name of this man reported to have won over Death. Resuscitated is the word… again but I’m going too far for the here topic what’s in the word “ressusciter” or re-susciter = susciter à nouveau. In a Spanish pronunciation Jesus-citer, Je-sus-citer. 1.I could cite, I could quote, I could hold someone up as an example. 2. I could summon, I could subpoena a witness. 3. I could mention someone in dispatches. Also to mention the “Rhesus” is to give the identification of someone by their blood card.

2/ You must die. There’s and idea of annihilation in death, of not only the destruction of the body but the identity of the one who dies. See also 1984, the equivalent term is vaporised.
You must die might you work or not. But if you work at least you can earn some privileges forbidden to those who don’t.
You will die sooner or later. You never know when until it happens…etc.
There is something wrong with it I’ve understood when I’ve discovered that some people didn’t work, didn’t have to work never to get good treatments and advantages of all kinds. On the opposite those who didn’t work seemed to have much more privileges than those who worked. Actually I hadn’t met any personally but I was constantly told and showed such people. So they were lying. Everybody was lying. Who was at the origin of this lie remained unanswered though. Then I’ve wondered. If some people don’t have to work why should I?
And what about this man who was reported to have come back from the Dead now an immortal? Where is the truth?

I come out of someone. I am born from an idea of someone who makes me who I am.
As far as I am the creature of this individual, I haven’t the power to decide to be or not to be, I have no power indeed against this overpowered God to me.
The only power that I have maybe is to negotiate who the best I could be to fulfil their goal, and allow myself to be taught who it is I want to be.

I must be baptised to be someone.

I must get from someone the symbolic sign of life that in this world is water. And I must be baptised by someone who’d drop this sign of life on my forehead so that I fulfil to this reality. (continue to see the parallel between forehead and wings, third eye). Water’s the best conductor for life impulse, electricity.

Who do I want to be? How do I know or how am I teached?

If I’ve got to be -for any reason-, if I can be something whatever I suppose that I want to free myself first and to free those who are like me and want to be freed as well. Yet free what for I don’t know, I only know that I dislike the idea to be forced to be. I can’t bear the idea that I have no choice, that I wasn’t asked before being injected in this world. Have I given my consent, all I know is I can’t remember giving my consent. I want to do as I will. The only way for me if I had got to be a slave should be to be the slave of the only master who’d be the one I take as my slave the same. But no. No slavery. I want to be of my own free will, it’s got to be a question of will after all, if not what else? A question of shared advertent wills perhaps also, a question of will in advertence(°).

(°) advertent from lexilogos Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day for June 23

advertent • \ad-VER-tunt\ • adjective
: giving attention : heedful - Example sentence:
Marcia listened to everything I said with an advertent expression on her face, then proceeded to tell me, point by point, why she disagreed with me.

Did you know?
You may be thinking that "advertent" should mean "intentional." After all, "inadvertent" means "unintentional." Take away the negative prefix "in-" and you're left with that word's opposite, right? If this is your line of thought, you're not entirely off base; the two words (which both entered English in the 17th century and derive from Latin "advertere," meaning "to turn the mind or attention") are in fact closely linked. But "inadvertent" has another, older meaning: "inattentive" or "not focusing the mind on a matter." The established meaning of "advertent" falls opposite that older sense of "inadvertent." Does this mean that "advertent" never means "intentional"? Not exactly. We have seen some evidence of this use, but it's not yet well enough established to be entered in our dictionaries.
or Red-Herring was also word of the day of the Oxford dictionary but to answer another question not on topic here. The link I’m not sure either.

Whatever, they’ve told and repeated me that they’ve desired me, that I’ve come as the result of their love for eachother. How can I believe that is such a lie to me? How can someone In the name of love (who pretends to love) submit their loved child to slavery in the same prison where they are kept ? How could them gods submit their loved child to receive the same treatment like they get or hand him over to their Master’s justice if he tried to shirk their duty?
Condemn their child to pay the high tax and to humiliation and to get all the worse if he’d persist to do the way to free them and him eventually? They wouldn’t let him do. They wouldn’t let him be. Just because it would put them in front of the void of their live and their most fear tidily hidden and shut up behind the promise of their master: “Do as I told and you will be saved (I will return to save you).”
A big part of the people are still expecting the return of this man though in the end of times. In the meantime they accept to die and to stay somewhere until they all come back down on earth altogether, I know no more. How can they believe such a foolish thing. The earth would be so crowded with everybody of all times altogether and every problems associated to such a fight it would become to get some land. It’s only one aspect of the unreality of their belief.

The next thing I’ve discovered was that not everybody took this man to be a saviour, a messiah. They don’t believe in resurrection. Some are waiting for the end of times to be saved and others are waiting the return of a messiah.

WHO ARE YOU? “For whom/What” DO YOU “think you are/want to be”?

How to answer? From whatever, wherever you are, wonder, ask for it and see and listen what life is showing/telling you.


Can you be this? Can you do that? Do you want to?
If the answer is yes/if the answer is not, why and/or why not?

What would you like in return? I’ve wished for someone. I’ve asked for a companion who’d share it with me.

I have called for this one with that I had got in mind, that I could think and wish at the time, with an idea of this one meant to be a man.
I realize now that I’ve never enquired whether he’d be okay to fulfil my dream. I’ve asked God not him. I’ve taken for granted that he’d consent. I realise it now and it is that’s being done to me too. Even if I’d be okay eventually I wish I could do it my way.

He’s not refused to exist for me actually but to see me. Then I’ve refused to be anymore as long as he wouldn’t call me to existence.
I took for granted that he had answered my call, that he was. At least I have persuaded myself of it. I’ve been seduced. I’ve wished to access the object of my desire and not managing to do so I’ve thought that I should seduce him my turn.

I had chosen a prostitute. A sacred one. How call him anyway who’d be selling himself making benefits and getting money from his charms. The charms of his voice, of his looking style, their originality attracted attention and made the difference in the beginning with the others on the market. He’d work them like a business man. Meticulously, with professionalism.
His work should be expensive though. He’d never address them personally. To believe so would mean to get caught in the web he has weaved. I don’t know how many victims he’s done.
As one of them I have paid and asked for a Rendezvous I could never obtain. I dared not to offer money for it though. How much he would have asked if I had? It seemed to say it would never be expensive enough anyway.
He seemed in need, everything in him called for something but how to satisfy him I had to wonder.
How since he would pretend the opposite literally in the end?

I need no one and I need nothing but I can wait, I’ve been dead for so long” (From the Fire) Dead? No! But he wasn’t joking. I knew he wasn’t meaning a joke anyway. He was believing so. So there it was, I should bring him life. He had said it as well somewhere else.

some want liberty, some want Christ, I want light/life” (Chaocracy) love-light-life-liberty whatever, everybody wants the same potentially. It is all said in that song.

He wouldn’t ask in his resistance to my world, my reality. He would only call for their destruction although it seemed such a foolish idea to me as he was in there and submitted to its rules as well. But he wouldn’t care. He would go on with his maddening invocations all the more.
And it began to happen…and he would go with his mad laugh.

I’ve tried to contact him all along the way but I was spurned every time. He’s never answered until that day when I’ve thought that he might have answered eventually, except one detail: she would pretend she wasn’t him but her. To me there was evidence that she was him…

“Keeper of the Gate”-should be her name here- knows the rest of that part of the story I give a quick sight here. We could talk to each other daily and for several months. Then she’s turned my dream in ridicule calling it a cheap romance. She’s eventually cut our correspondence after I had almost obtained an appointment with her.

In the end, I guess I have to beg his forgiveness maybe because nobody’s there (yet) to do it.
Perhaps after all I’m the only one to whom he should forgive rather than his parents, society, whoever else. It might be the only lack of his life and I would be the only one qualified and able to beg him forgiveness and plea for mercy of my insanity. My punishment.